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This isn’t just defensiveness. It’s what happens when feedback activates an “I’m the problem” wound. At that point, the goal shifts from understanding you… to protecting the self. That’s why you can explain it clearly, calmly, perfectly, and STILL not feel heard. Because you’re trying to land impact in a system that experiences it as threat. And over time, that doesn’t just stall repair. It erodes safety. So the question isn’t whether they care or are trying. It’s the pattern: Can they stay pres